Funny shit. If you've played WoW (which 99.9% of you have) you'll love this.
The Raid-
You raid with these people. You work with these people. These people are closer than your family. You should worry.
The GM- He’s sacrificed his family, friends, and probably a couple of jobs to drag you through new content. When the guild isn’t performing, these decisions are in question. Prone to shooting sprees, forum flame wars, and the rapid advancement/gearing of whatever toon the guild “needs”. If you can keep your mouth shut, he’ll go emo and quit before you get gkicked. Still, you do like the guy. Or did. Before he went crazy. See drunks, below.
The GM's Significant Other- Okay, so he was going to have to quit but he tricked his SO into playing. She loves it. She's terrible. You'll effectively 24 man every boss. Count on 4 constructs in the raid, every attempt. She plays a Belf.
The Raid Leader- When you stand in the flames, he dies a little bit inside.
The Positive officer- “That was great. Just great. You know, only 5% of guilds have even made it to Supremus, and getting him down to 67% on the second attempt is hawt.” See Stoners, below.
The Negative officer- “Jesus Christ why are there corpses under all these goddamn volcanoes? It’s Supremus for %@*@s’s sake. GET OUT OF THE GODDAMN FLAME!” See Drunks, below.
The Healing Officer- Has this job because, as the newest officer who plays a healer, he’s stuck with it.
The Guy Who Runs the Guild- He’s been here a long time. Like forever. He’s an officer if he accepted the position. He knows all the gossip and understands the politics. For the love of God, don’t make this guy decide that you are hurting the guild. The last GM did.
The Hunter Class Lead- Will tell you that it does actually require skill and preparation to play a hunter well in the end game. Lies frequently.
Stratman- Has read every strategy on the entire internet for every boss. Unable to think critically. Knows where his talk key is. Hated by the officers. Likely to play a hunter. If this is also Chick With Accent, below, guild will probably collapse.
The Gay guy- Affects the gay accent for effect. Upgrade decisions tend to involve lengthy discussions about gear appearance. Learned to use the dressing room function before the ‘v’key.
The Stay At Home Mom- She’s around children all day and craves adult conversation. Babbles incessantly in vent, forgetting that adult conversation doesn’t usually begin with, “So I was talking to (insert name of four-year-old child) and he says…” May or may not be on speaking terms with spouse. Is muted on vent by 90% of the raid.
Mr. Mikeless- Has a microphone. Hears the conversation and directions. Once wiped the raid because he started talking most folks alt-tabbed to see who the hell was speaking. May be your best player.
The Kid- So, you messed up on this guy’s interview and nobody noticed that he was 12. But, he can play. And if he gets a little bit excited when boobies are getting talked about? Hey, he’s young.
The Other kid- Remember that accountant you interviewed for the fury warrior position? And how you wondered how he’d make time to raid during tax season? He couldn’t. His eleven year old daughter took over about that time. She’s been raiding since. Mages… that’s an eleven year-old girl owning you night after night.
The Drunks- The core of your guild. As raid progresses, their voices in vent are getting just ever so slightly slurred. You don’t notice because you’re trying to sound sober yourself. DPS output seems to scale positively with blood alcohol content.
The Stoners- Quietly wiping raids since the beta. They really, really, really hate having to move out of the fire. Two of them are dead under the volcanoes. They live in fear of the negative officer. They have their own channel. Try /join (insertguildname)stoners. You’ll see who’s in there. It’ll explain a lot. They’re also having more fun that everyone else combined
The Prima Donna- Requires special attention from management. Constantly whining. Plays some vital role. Might be a main tank, mage tank, or lock tank. The officers really hate this guy and as soon as they can find another tank with 24,000 buffed HP, he’s out. Not a stoner.
The Chick with the Accent- Is the accent fake? Nobody knows or cares. Future visits to Australia/Britian/New Zealand/Alabama are now planned by all single raid members. The Negative officer will never, ever call her out.
The Healing Pallie- Hates healing and had to go holy to see endgame. If you raid with a boomkin, a feral druid, a fury warrior, or any non-resto shaman, you are not getting a 10 minute blessing. Forget it. He hates you. Also, see Prima Donna, the Gay Guy.
The Warlock Whisperer- Directionally challenged. Despite having run Karazhan 1.26 million times, will require a summon to Maiden's room from the entrance. Has a "summon pls" macro.
The New Guy- Begins most sentences with, "That's not how we did it in my old guild on Korgath." Likely to remain guilded for approximately one week. You wonder if he'll be tellign his next guild, "In my old guild, we ran TOWARDS the volcanoes.
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Subject: The Raid 
Sun Jan 25, 2009 10:26 pm
